


Can't Get Rid Of Me

by officialpuppy



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, US Women's Soccer National Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:58:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6272575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/officialpuppy/pseuds/officialpuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they talk, Christen is walking back to her dorm. The girl is sitting outside of the door next to Christen’s, leaning her head against the wall. Christen nods at her while fiddling with her lanyard, trying to find the right key. “Locked out?”, she asks. The girl smiles widely, nodding her head. </p><p>“Second time this week. Can you believe it?” </p><p>Christen pauses, mulling over her answer. “Yeah, I can. I actually saw you waiting out here last week too. Getting locked out a habit of yours?” </p><p> </p><p>Or, Alternatively; The College AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Get Rid Of Me

The first time they talk, Christen is walking back to her dorm. The girl is sitting outside of the door next to Christen’s, leaning her head against the wall. Christen nods at her while fiddling with her lanyard, trying to find the right key. “Locked out?”, she asks. The girl smiles widely, nodding her head. 

 

“Second time this week. Can you believe it?” 

 

Christen pauses, mulling over her answer. “Yeah, I can. I actually saw you waiting out here last week too. Getting locked out a habit of yours?” 

 

“How do you know I just don’t like the soft feeling of the carpet out here?” 

 

Christen laughs, rolling her eyes. 

 

“I’m Tobin.”, the girls introduces. She stands up, extending her hand. 

 

“I’m Christen.” 

 

* * *

 

The next time she sees Tobin, she’s laying in the grass on the quad trying her hardest to decipher her physics homework. She’s loosely been watching a few kids attempt to play soccer pickup, only lifting her head to see the latest shot or pass after she’s finished a question. 

 

It's only after she hears some yelling that she actually notices Tobin specifically. She’s arguing with another kid about a bad tackle or something. Something Christen is sure would go right over her head even if Tobin told her herself. Her arms are animatedly pointing toward the goal, obviously trying her best to get the young man to understand. Christen watches for another few seconds as Tobin eventually gives up her argument, walking back to her teammates. She’s wiping off her sweat on her face with her shirt, giving Christen a nice view of her fit stomach. 

 

Christen looks away, feeling her cheeks flare, and she decides it would be much better to do her homework in the library instead of here now. 

 

* * *

 

They see each other every now and then, giving brief waves or minimal conversations. It’s only after she sees Tobin locked out of her room for yet another time, does she actually invite her to come in. 

 

“You know,” Christen starts, opening her door, “You can actually ask the RA to let you in. But I’m assuming since I tend to see you have sitting outside your room more than anywhere else, you have already used your free three lockouts?” 

 

“Yeah, last time I asked, he said I would have to pay a fine of thirty bucks. I’d rather wait for my roommate to get back from her boyfriend's house than pay that chunk of change.”, Tobin replies, rolling her eyes. She sets her gym bag on the ground inside Christen’s dorm, briefly glancing the pictures hanging along the wall. Most wall space is consumed with polaroids that feature what Tobin assumes is Christen and her family, with Christen smiling radiantly in each photo. There are also a number of photos with a couple of grinning dogs. “Where is your roommate?”, Tobin asks, still glancing over the small knick knacks in the room.

 

“Julie? Oh, I think she’s at class until five. We usually meet up for dinner, so I have about another hour before I head over.” 

 

Tobin nods. “Thanks for letting me in, by the way. I swear I won’t be too noisy or interrupt your day or anything. I have to leave in an hour as well for soccer practice.” 

 

“You play? I saw you kicking around the ball a few times in the quad, but I wasn’t sure it was something you were serious about.” 

 

“Oh yeah, I love it actually. You should come to a game, it's really fun and high energy. I can introduce you to the team and such, you know, as a thank you for letting me crash in your dorm for a while.” Tobin replies, sitting in the chair next to Christen’s desk. She leans back casually, the chair now only being supported by the back two legs, kicking her feet up against the side of the desk.

 

Christen laughs as Tobin’s mellow attitude and easy invite. “Do you really want me there or is this just a consolation?” 

 

Tobin seems taken aback, as if no one has ever mistaken her amiable personality for not caring or just brushing someone off. “Why would I invite you if I didn’t want you there?,” she questions, studying Christen’s face. “Do you not want to come?” 

 

Christen feels her face burn as she attempts to fight off a blush. “Oh, gosh no. Sorry that came off all wrong. You were just so easy about the invite, I didn’t know…”, she trails off. Tobin still seems confused, tilting her head to the side. “We don’t talk much,” Christen tries again. “And it just seemed a little weird for you to invite me out of the blue. I don’t know. This is stupid, ignore me.” 

 

“Isn’t that how we get to talk more though? By you coming to the game? You seem cool, and I’d like you there. Easy as that.” Tobin shrugs. 

 

“Okay, yeah,” Christen attempts, running her finger through her hair. “That sounds fun. I’ll definitely go.” 

 

Tobin’s face lights up at the confirmation. “Sweet! You can bring your roommate too if you want. It’s no biggie. Here, let me give you the info.”

 

Tobin leaves thirty minutes later, but not without making Christen pinky promise she will see her at the game first. 

 

* * *

 

 

It turns out the game is on the other side of campus, at one of the biggest fields the college has. Julie agreed to go, telling Christen she needed a break from her readings before she decides to light the book on fire. Julie apparently played soccer in high school and readily agreed to teach Christen what she knows about the game.  

 

“This is a pretty intense match.” Julie says during halftime, digging through her pack of skittles looking for the red ones. 

 

“Is it?” Christen asks, surveying the field. A couple players who haven’t gotten any playtime are out running around the field and doing various stretches. Tobin played the whole first half, so Christen doesn’t actually know any of the players on the field right now. 

 

“Yeah. My two lab partners are actually on the team, and I know how hard this team works because it's, like, impossible to schedule any times to meet up with them. It's like practice after practice after practice. Everyone on the team has to be crazy dedicated.” Julie confirms, popping a few candies in her mouth. She hands the rest of the pack to Christen, and predictably, only the yellow skittles are left. “My partners are both defenders. One of them is the one who did that slide and got the yellow card, you remember?”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“That’s Becky. She’s apparently like, the best defender we have. She’s won a couple awards here for it.” 

 

Christen nods, attempting to recall Becky’s jersey number. She had no idea her school had such a serious soccer team, she mostly only heard about people going to football games and events surrounding football. Julie had informed her that the soccer team was actually third in their league, which is really good. The players start to emerge from the locker room, heading onto the field and back into positions. 

 

“Okay, so it's important to note they switched sides. So now we are headed toward that goal,” Julie says, pointing to the other side of the field. “They will most likely make a few substitutions this half, so some players you see now won’t play the whole time. Only the really key players will stay on. So, for example, since I told you Becky was really good, she will probably play the whole time.” 

Christen hums in acknowledgement, looking for Tobin’s number on the field. She read the player bios available on her college’s website before coming to the game. She wanted to at least prepare for the game in some way so she didn’t feel like a total imbecile. 

 

“Tobin’s pretty good too. She’s a midfielder so she plays both defense and offense.” Julie comments offhandedly, watching the kickoff. 

 

Similar to the last half, the game moves pretty quickly. At times, Christen has trouble following the ball and the pace, but she tries her best not to ask Julie so many annoying questions. The game eventually ends with a score of 1-0, with Tobin actually assisting the goal. The crowd stands when the cross comes in and erupts in chaotic cheers when the ball makes it to the back of the net. Christen gets swept away in the energy of the crowd and stands herself, watching as Tobin and the other girl crash to the ground in a hug. 

 

The game ends soon after that, and Julie animatedly talks of the different tactics the players had in this game. “Well, if they tried a different formation, it might have helped with offensive play..,” Julie rambles. Christen pretends to understand whatever she is talking about and nods her head during the pauses. They end up walking down from the bleachers, waiting by the fence to congratulate Becky and Tobin. The area isn’t too crowded, and most people who wait with them are boyfriends or parents. 

 

Tobin eventually comes out beside a few teammates, waving to Christen. “Hey!,” she calls, jogging over. “You made it!”

 

Christen smiles broadly, waving back. “Yeah, well, I said I would didn’t I?” 

 

Tobin mirrors Christen’s smile, and nods toward Julie. “This is your roommate?” 

 

“Yeah, she’s a handful, but she’s all mine. Wouldn’t trade her for the world.” Christen responds, giving Julie a side hug and swarming her cheeks with kisses. Julie’s face blushes and she tries to push Christen away. 

 

“Chris,” she whines. “You are embarrassing me here, and I want to make a good impression with your new friend.” 

 

Christen reluctantly relents, and kisses Julie’s cheek one last time. Tobin watches their interaction closely from her spot on the other side of the fence. “So,” she asks. “Are you two dating?” 

 

Christen feels her face burn in a blush.

 

“No,” Julie responds happily. “I am tragically heterosexual and very much in love with my boyfriend. Christen’s just weird.”

 

“Am not,” Christen mutters in a weak attempt to defend herself. 

 

Tobin is leaning against the fence, smiling so big that Christen thinks if she attempted that big of a grin, she would look crazy. Still, she must admit, it does look good on Tobin. Tobin reaches her arm over the fence, tapping Christen's shoulder. 

 

“So, there's an afterparty with the team I wanted to invite you guys to. Not too big of a thing, just at one of the girl’s apartments. I know you don’t really know anyone, but you know me so please will you come?”, Tobin asks with puppy dog eyes. 

 

“Uh,” Christen starts, looking at Julie. 

 

Julie gives a thumbs up, nodding her head excitedly. “Yes! Christen please! Oh please! I need some excitement this weekend.” 

 

“Well, I guess we’ll be there.” 

 

“I can drive!” Tobin volunteers happily. 

  
  


* * *

 

That’s how Christen gets drunk. Christen had every intention of staying sober, meeting a few players, and going back to her dorm to sleep. But, sometimes, one drink turns into two, which turns into beer pong and shots. Christen lost Julie in the first five minutes of arrival, Julie promising to meet up later after she talks to Becky. The small get together is actually quite rambunctious, and although Tobin was correct in the sense of it being a small group, the energy of the party makes it feel like a regular wet friday frat party. 

 

So, Christen hasn’t left Tobin’s side for the whole duration of the party. She generally isn’t a fan of parties like this, she usually enjoys more of a “mellow movie night with a few friends” type of deal. 

 

“Did you like watching me play?”, Tobin questions after her third shot of the night. She is a little wobbly on her feet, but her words aren’t slurring and Christen takes that as a good sign. Its better than she is, to say the least. 

 

Christen hangs on Tobin’s arm happily, smiling into her shoulder. “Oh yes. I had no idea what was happening, but whatever it was, you looked good doing it.” 

 

“Did I now?” 

 

Christen pushes Tobin playfully. “Oh shut it, you know you looked good.” 

 

Tobin looks down at her and brushes her fingertips against Christen’s chin. Christen looks up slowly from Tobin’s shoulder, still smiling. 

 

“Hey. Say it again.” Tobin asks, quieter. Her voice is hushed and her fingers are still rubbing against Christen’s jawline. 

 

Christen hums, closing her eyes briefly. She stands up more fully, still hanging on her arm, looking at Tobin. Tobin and her lips. Tobin. “You looked hot out there.”, she says boldly and confidently, in the same hushed tone Tobin had earlier. 

 

Tobin watches Christen for a moment, pupils dilated. “Okay,” she says simply, crashing their lips together. She pulls Christen closer, her arms sneaking around her waist. “Okay”, she repeats, moving her lips to Christen’s neck. 

 

It might be Christen’s drunk brain, or the feeling of Tobin’s lips on her pulsepoint, but she lifts Tobin’s head from her neck and says, “Hey. Let's get out of here.”

  
  


* * *

 

She wakes in an unknown room in an unknown bed with an unknown person. Christen has never felt so disoriented in her life before, and that includes the concussion she got in second grade. She feels arms wrapped around her, and hot breath puffing against her neck. Her head is absolutely  _ killing _ her. 

 

“Stay,” the person behind her mutters, pulling her closer to their chest. Christen rolls over slowly, realizing the voice is Tobin’s. She takes in the scene of Tobin, messy haired and smiling slightly, before fully realizing what happened. 

 

“Woah,” Christen starts, backing away from Tobin’s hold, panicking. “I need to, just,” she continues, not knowing where the sentence is going. She hasn’t ever been in a situation like this and she really does not know the proper etiquette. She can’t seem to catch her breath, and her chest burns.

 

Tobin sits up quickly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Babe, you okay? What’s wrong?” 

 

Christen moves to get out of bed before realizing that she is completely naked. She wraps the covers around her tightly, feeling so embarrassed in this moment. From the scene before her, she’s sure her body is nothing Tobin hasn’t seen from last night, but it looks like Sober Christen and Drunk Christen have very different anxiety levels. “Sorry, I’ve just never.”, Christen starts again, still pulling at the covers, gipping at her chest. Christen’s eyes are still wide, searching around the room.

 

“Woah, hey. It’s okay. Here, let's count okay? Can you count with me?” Tobin asks. 

 

Christen nods as she still fights for her breaths. She closes her eyes shut and tries to drown out the sound of her hammering heart. 

 

“Hey, hey look at me Chris. Babe, I need you to look at me okay? Let’s focus on counting together.” 

 

Christen opens her eyes, finding Tobin looking directly at her. Her eyes look gentle as she says, “That’s great babe. You are doing great. Okay let’s count. One.”

 

“One”, Christen repeats obediently, mechanically. 

 

“Two,” Tobin continues, holding up her second finger.

 

Christen feels some of her head clear, and she repeats again. “Two.” 

 

When they reach eight, Christen is calm again. “I’m sorry you had to see that Tobin. God, I feel so stupid.”, she says, hiding her head in her hands. 

 

“Hey, no worries,” Tobin amends easily. “I used to get panic attacks sometimes when I was little. Still sometimes,” she admits. “It’s no big deal. Are you okay now though?” 

 

“Yeah.” Christen looks up from her hands. “I feel a lot better. I’m so glad you have that counting trick, I’ve never gotten out of a panic attack that fast. Thank you.”

 

There is a pause before Christen talks again. 

 

“Sometimes when I get overwhelmed or get put into new situations, I just kind of, you know.” 

 

Tobin nods, grabbing Christen’s hands. “Like I said. No worries.” 

 

“I’ve never... You know. Before” Christen supplies vaguely. 

  
  


“You’re a virgin?” Tobin asked, eyebrows raised in genuine surprise. “But you are so pretty? And were so good last night?”, she questions. 

 

Christen looks at Tobin in shock at her bluntness. 

 

“I’m not judging, not judging!” Tobin quickly adds

 

“Uh, no. I’ve just never…with a girl” 

 

Tobin face falls. “Oh.” she says, hurt lacing her voice. “Was I…” Tobin coughs, moving her hand away from Christen’s. “A college try?” 

 

“A college try?” 

 

“A one and done? For sexual experimentation? ‘Cause my ex did that to me, and it's really not cool Chris.” Tobin says. “She really led me on, and I thought she loved me. I don’t want to go through that again. God, I wish you told me. All that flirting and inviting you to my soccer game? I feel so stupid.” 

 

“Woah, Tobin! I never said you were just a college try!”, Christen interrupts.

 

“So, you’re…. Gay?” 

 

“God, I don’t know. I mean. I will admit I have looked at girls in… that way before. But is it so wrong I don’t know yet? I like you.” 

 

There is a lingering pause, neither of them talking for a few seconds. Tobin seems focused on the point above Christian's shoulder, her eyes glassy and thinking.  

 

“I’m sorry. I just. Can’t do that again. Please understand.”, Tobin attempts. 

 

Christen feels her stomach fall. “I understand. Can we.. still be friends?” Christen knows it's a stupid try at saving them both from this humiliating situation. 

 

“Yeah,” Tobin says, “That sounds okay.” But even her voice doesn’t sound genuine. Christen isn’t an idiot and Tobin won’t even look her in the eyes. 

 

“Okay, I’m just gonna. Pick up my things and go.” 

 

Tobin nods, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Her eyes are still glassy and the contrast of this Tobin and the Tobin she first saw when she woke up, breaks Christen’s heart. Christen may have never done this before, but the fact that Tobin  _ has _ done this before and is still hurting, breaks Christen’s heart. 

 

Christen leaves quietly, waving a small goodbye. Tobin still hasn’t moved from her spot on the bed, and Christen doesn’t think she will see her again anytime soon. 

 

* * *

 

She’s wrong of course. Christen had 100% thought that after the awkward terrible ‘sleepover’ they had together, they would avoid each other. It seemed as if Tobin had different ideas however.

 

It's only two days since the ‘sleepover’ (as Christen calls it; she doesn’t know what else to call it in her mind without panicking), when she knocks on her door. Tobin is in her soccer jersey and sweatpants, her hair wet from what Christen can only guess is a recent shower.  

 

“Hey” 

 

“Hey,” Christen replies, interested to see where this conversation leads. 

 

“I’m sorry about last night. I just.” Tobin rocks on her heels nervously. “Have been hurt in the past. And I’m a little wary, you know? I kind of shut down on you last time we talked, which I’ve kind of done before, so it's not unusual for me but it probably was really freaky for you.” She rambles. “I’d just like to be friends.” 

 

Tobin smiles brightly, unveiling chinese takeout from behind her back. “I brought Chinese as a peace offering?”, she offers. 

 

Christen can’t help but smile alongside Tobin. She’s contagious is that way. “Well, I guess I had my freakout in the morning before you, so it's only fair you get one too. We’re even now.”  

 

Christen moves to the side, allowing room for Tobin to enter her dorm. “Come in. I hope you brought eggrolls.” 

 

* * *

 

It isn’t as awkward as Christen thought it would be. In fact, it's actually fairly easy and fun. They make a pattern. Tobin still often forgets her room key, and Christen will always allow Tobin to come in and hang out in her dorm. They never talk about what happened at the last party, but they don’t really need to. Things are comfortable between them. 

 

“Hey, Chris, pass me the m&ms.” Tobin says, reaching out her hands. She’s currently hanging upside down on Christen’s bed, scrolling through the options on netflix. 

 

“Only if you promise no more Lilo and Stitch.” Christen says, holding the m&ms hostage close to her chest. 

 

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for a happy ending.” Tobin says, sitting up. “Plus, I’ve always wanted to surf. Doesn’t it seem cool?” 

“Stick to the soccer, Eddie.” Christen throws the m&m’s at Tobin’s head, who catches it easily.

 

“You are lucky I have such fast reflexes, babe. That could have hit me in the eye, and I could be blind.”, she accentuates her point by grabbing her eye in mock hurt and falling back dramatically on the bed. “Plus, I would never give up soccer, it gives me too good of a body.” Tobin smiles, flexing her arms. 

 

Christen feels her face blush as she looks away. After her night with Tobin, she can’t help noticing more and more how attracted she feels towards other girls. Before she’s always chalked it up to having a “girl crush”, or “wanting to be her”, but now she feels as if something has shifted. She tries not to dwell too much on these heavy thoughts, distracting herself in her schoolwork, extracurricular activities, or surface level conversations.

 

“Yeah, yeah. We know you are going to pick Lilo and Stitch either way, so just turn it on already.” Christen says. 

 

Christen laughs as she sees Lilo and Stitch already loading on the screen

 

“Am I that predictable?”, Tobin asks, stuffing her mouth with m&ms. 

 

* * *

 

Christen sometimes forgets how different Tobin acts when they are alone versus when they are in a group.

 

Tobin, alone, likes to hold hands. She likes to brush knees and elbows. She isn’t shy about hugging or latching onto Christen’s arm. She likes calling Christen, “Chris”. 

 

Tobin, in a group, doesn’t hold hands. She doesn’t effortlessly slide next to Christen and she sure as hell doesn’t latch onto Christen’s arm. She keeps her touches almost exclusively limited to high fives and playful pushes. 

 

She brings this up to Tobin after one night of watching her play ultimate frisbee with a couple of guys from her dorm building. Tobin lays down next to Christen, hair windswept and sweaty from the running. “Hey, Chris, did you see my awesome goal?” 

 

Christen hums in response. “Why don’t you ever call me Chris when we are in a group?” 

 

Tobin leans up onto her arms, looking at Christen bewildered. “Because that's just a you and me thing.” 

 

“Why?” Christen asks, a little hurt. 

 

“It just is”, she shrugs easily. “Do you have any grapes left in your dorm? I’m famished after running around and winning all the time”, she says, changing the subject. 

 

“Tobs. Come on, I want to finish this conversation.” 

 

Tobin seems confused at the prospect of there being anything  _ more _ to say on the subject but turns her attention back towards Christen. 

 

“Why do you avoid touching and nicknames when we are with people? Be serious, because it's kind of hurting my feelings. Are you embarrassed we are such good friends or something?”, Christen says honestly. 

 

“Chris, you know I would never be embarrassed of you.” Tobin starts, reaching her hands towards Christen’s arm, but pulling away last second. “I just didn’t want to make you… uncomfortable.” 

 

“I mean you saw me with Julie at the soccer game that first night. Obviously I don’t mind friendly touches in public.”, Christen says in defense. It's the first time either of them have referenced that night in conversation.  

 

“Its different in public. Things are different”, Tobin attempts once again. 

 

“How? Please tell me Tobs, I feel so in the dark.” 

 

“It just is, Christen. I know you kind of… freaked out that first night. I just didn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position. I’m kind of out to a lot of my friends, and I didn’t think that holding your hand or being attached at the hip in public would make you feel comfortable.”

 

Christen’s heart falls. Tobin looks genuinely sad, looking out into the night.

 

“Hey, you never make me uncomfortable. When I’m with you I feel.. Amazing”, she sighs. “And, I don't want ‘public Tobin’ or ‘private Tobin’. I just want ‘Tobin’. Just you being you, okay.”

 

Tobin looks over and reaches for Christen’s hand. She scoots over to lay her head on Christen’s shoulder.  “Okay.”

  
  


* * *

 

It isn’t a date, but God, does it feel like a date. Tobin has been holding Christen’s hand throughout the party, leading her to each teammate for introductions. The last party they attended together, Tobin and Christen mostly kept to themselves. This time, however, Christen makes a better attempt at learning and befriending Tobin’s teammates. Christen nods her head at the right times and tries to make simple conversations with everyone, but it is getting increasingly hard as Tobin begins to run her thumb across Christen’s hand every so often. 

 

“So you are  _ the  _ Christen Press?”, one of Tobin’s teammates, Ali, says after Tobin has left to get drink refills. Everyone around her is smiling as if this is a joke Christen doesn’t understand the punchline to. 

 

“Yeah, I guess that would be me.”, Christen says, still confused where this conversation is heading. 

 

“You know she talks about you only, like, all the time right?”, the girl presses. Another girl, one who Christen believes she has never actually seen without her hands touching at least  _ somewhere  _ on Ali, reprimands her. 

 

“Ali! Come on. A little classless, no?”

 

“Come on Ash. I know it's killing you inside that Tobin won’t tell you anything.”, she responds grinning wickedly. Ali is practically bouncing on her feet, giddy for information that Christen doesn’t even know is relevant to anything. 

 

“I mean yeah, it is.”, Ash confirms.

 

“Then you won’t mind if I ask a couple of questions, babe”, Ali says, rubbing up and down Ash’s arm. 

 

Christen feels uncomfortable watching the interaction, and she pretends to be looking somewhere else when she sees Ali intimately whisper something in Ash’s ear. She sways her body to the beat of the music, giving Ali and Ash space to talk about whatever the hell it is they are talking about. Christen hasn’t understood anything that has happened in their conversations together, and she feels as if they are implying things more than what they are actually talking. 

 

Christen spies Tobin across the room, who is nodding her head in acknowledgement every so often when someone calls out to her. People come up to her, looking for high fives or in some cases, brief hugs. It's in this moment that Christen realizes how popular Tobin really is. Christen has a handful of friends, sure, but it is nothing like Tobin has. 

 

“Miss me?” Tobin says once she arrives closer. She slides her hand around Christen’s waist, handing her a new drink. 

 

“Yeah actually.” Christen says, still wary of Ali and Ash. Ali looks extremely disappointed at Tobin’s presence, and Christen is a little annoyed that she would want Tobin to stay away. Christen’s protective nature comes out when she leans into Tobin’s embrace, attempting to illustrate to Ali that Christen wanted Tobin here. “I was wondering if you found something more exciting to do.”, Christen continues, staring straight at Ali. 

 

“As if that would ever happen.” Tobin rolls her eyes. “So, what were you guys talking ‘bout?”

 

“Nothing of importance,” Ali says cooly. Ash readily nods her head in agreement. “You know, just giving out some embarrassing Tobin stories. The usual.”

 

Tobin’s face is beet red, and if it weren’t for Ali and Ash’s weird antics weighing in her mind, Christen is sure that it would be the cutest moment ever. 

 

“They just want to embarrass me in front of you. Don’t listen to a word they say.” Tobin mutters quietly, only for Christen to hear. 

 

“Wouldn’t even dream of it”, Christen replies, smiling. Her heart feels full in that moment, with Tobin close and alcohol warming her belly. “Want to dance?” 

 

“Of course.”, Tobin replies.

 

Christen reminds herself it doesn’t mean anything, but also, it definitely feels like something. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

  
  


“Come on Tobs, if you aren’t even going to help me study I might as well get some sleep back in my dorm.” Christen says jokingly, stuffing another handful of popcorn in her mouth. Her sociology notes are scattered around Tobin’s room, and although Christen has been trying her hardest to stay focused on her notecards for the impending test tomorrow, Tobin has made it more than difficult. Tobin has been trying to convince her to take a small break for the past hour, and eventually Tobin herself has migrated from her spot next to Christen on the dorm floor to her bed. 

 

Christen begins to pick up her notes, attempting to brush her popcorn crumbs into a neat pile on the floor which she will sweep up in the morning. Although she knows that Tobin doesn’t mind small messes, she wouldn’t be able to visit her without feeling guilty for adding to the heaping mess. Tobin’s room always in a state of array, with her laundry basket consistently overflowing. Every now and again Christen will offer to help Tobin with her laundry and they will make an event out of doing laundry together. Christen has heard a rumor from Tobin’s roommate, Lauren, that the only time Tobin even attempts to pick up her room is when she knows Christen will be dropping by. Christen has a hard time believing she only sees Tobin’s room on “good” days, and she doesn’t even want to imagine what it would look like if she didn’t attempt to “clean” before Christen visits. 

 

“Stay”, Tobin says, sleep laced in her voice. She outstretches her hand, grasping Christen’s wrist. She moves to lace their fingers together, mumbling something unintelligible into her pillow. This is her favorite Tobin, Christen thinks. Sleepy and content, cuddly like a koala. She can’t help herself and soon she is laying back down next to Tobin in her small twin bed. Tobin moves her head from the pillow to Christen’s shoulder, not letting go of her hand. 

 

“Okay”, Christen whispers into Tobin’s hair. “I’ll stay.”

 

* * *

 

Every so often, Christen comes to watch Tobin practice on the field. On this particular sunny day, she’s watching Tobin through her sunglasses and leaning against the hot steel bleachers. Her hand is attempting to cover her eyes from the glare the sun gives, and she smiles at every shot Tobin makes into the goal. 

 

Tobin practices solo almost as much as she practices with her team. She has a dedication to soccer that Christen wishes she had for anything. Tobin has attempted to teach Christen the basics of soccer, and she is extremely patient with her, but Christen still thinks she likes watching Tobin play than play herself. Tobin has a fluidity and creativity for the sport that Christen idolizes. 

 

“She looks great out there,” a voice interrupts Christen’s thoughts. 

 

Christen watches as Tobin weaves through the cones and serves a great ball into the goal. “She’s beautiful.”, she says genuinely. 

 

“Mind if I sit?” 

 

“Not at all,” Christen moves over to accommodate the visitor. It’s Kelley, one of Tobin's teammates that she had met briefly a while ago. “What are you doing here?”, Christen asks. “You should go out and practice with Tobin. I know she would love to have a partner.” 

 

“Actually, I’m here to see you.” Kelley says, leaning back in the bleachers. Her arms are behind her, supporting her weight as she stretches her legs. Her head is leaned back, and she seems to enjoy soaking up the sun. 

 

“Me?”, Christen questions. 

 

“Yup.” Kelley answers, without even opening her eyes. “It’s about Tobin.” 

 

Christen feels panic rise in her chest, looking over at Tobin running across the field. “What is it? Is she hurt? No that can’t be it, she’s running right in front of me.” 

 

Kelley laughs, shaking her head, and Christen can’t help but feel it's at her expense. 

 

“Stop teasing. Just tell me.”

 

“Don’t hurt her.” 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“Don’t hurt her.” Kelley says seriously. She stops sunbathing and looks Christen in the eyes. “She’s been hurt before. She likes you. You like her. So stop playing around with her feelings.” 

 

“I’m not playing around with anything.” 

 

“She’s waiting for you. She turned three girls down from dates since she has been hanging around you.” 

 

Christen’s stomach feels full of lead, and she feels bile rising in her throat at the thought of Tobin on a date. 

 

“I’m not…” Christen begins. “I’m not gay.” 

 

“Hey,” Kelley says softly. “I went through it too. It's hard to accept who you are when there are labels and generalizations for everything. So don’t assign labels. Just think. Do you like her. Do you love her.” 

 

Christen doesn’t answer, instead looking at Tobin’s stupid celebratory jump and fist pump when she makes a good shot.

 

“Something to think about.” Kelley picks up the conversation again.  “Don’t miss your opportunity. I don't think Tobin can wait much longer. She doesn’t really have hope.” Kelley hops down from the bleachers, giving a chaste wave goodbye. 

 

“So give her some hope already!”, she calls to Christen, smiling, as she leaves. “Good luck!”  

  
  


* * *

 

Christen thinks of what Kelley says to her all week. It consumes her mind so much that even Tobin herself has commented that she has seemed to “drift off” more than usual. 

 

Christen lays awake during the nights, thinking over what would happen if Christen told her. Would her parents be disappointed if she brought Tobin home? Would Tobin feel the same way? Hypotheticals tormented her mind for days. 

 

It's only after watching Tobin watch TV does it slip out. Everything between them feels so domestic and she feels so warm and calm next to Tobin. “I think I like girls.” Christen tells Tobin after binge watching five episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. Her head is resting in Tobin's lap and Tobin absentmindedly scratching her scalp. 

 

“Do you now?” Tobin replies easily, eyes closed and throat humming. 

 

Christen nods her response, beginning to sit up. She repositions herself on the couch so she is facing Tobin directly. “I’m serious. I think I like girls.” 

 

Tobin nods, glancing down on Christen’s lips. “Is that a good thing or bad thing?”, she dares to ask. 

 

“Good, I think.” 

 

“Okay.” Tobin is already leaning in, shutting her eyes. 

 

Christen leans in as well, meeting in the middle for the kiss. God, Tobin’s lips feel even more amazing than what she remembers. She melds into the kiss easily, climbing onto Tobin's lap. Everything feels hot and warm and Christen loves it. She is about to open her mouth to accommodate Tobin’s tongue, when she hears the lock being turned. 

 

She swiftly moves out of Tobin’s lap, attempting to catch her breath. Tobin whines at the loss of Christen’s lips, and she tries once more to capture Christen’s mouth. Christen moves back a little, “Someone’s coming,” Christen whispers, voice panicked at the thought of being caught. Kissing Tobin was one thing, for someone to know she was kissing Tobin was another. 

 

It turns out to be Julie, coming back from meeting her boyfriend. She’s a little tipsy, apparently her boyfriend had invited her to some football party. “Heeeeey Tobin! I should have known you would be here!” Julie yells, lifting her arms weakly in the air.  

 

“I have never been less happy to see Julie.” Tobin mutters to Christen quietly, only for her ears. 

 

“I think. I might need more time.”, she whispers quietly to Tobin, resting her head on Tobin’s shoulder. Julie is telling them about the latest party she went to, but neither girls are listening. Julie’s story becomes background noise as Tobin leans her head on Christen’s. She runs her fingers through Christens hair. 

 

“Okay”, she says, pulling away from the embrace. Her eyes show hurt, but she is nothing but respectful as she gathers her things to leave. She waves once, eyes avoiding Christen’s. “‘Later.”

  
  


* * *

 

Tobin told Christen that she would also be at the Kappa Kappa Gamma party, as her teammate Kelley had invited her, but so far Christen hasn’t seen any sign of her. After their kiss, the two went back into the regular routine. Tobin seemed a little distant for the first few days, but soon enough, she returned back to her regular self. 

 

The house smells like sweat and cheap beer and Christen wrinkles her nose. She weaves through the crowd, holding two red solo cups filled with bottom shelf liquor, looking for Tobin. The party is actually quite big compared to some of the other mixers the sorority has held, and Christen can’t help but 

Christen spies Julie with her boyfriend dancing. “Hey! Julie!” Christen calls above the music. Julie waves her over and they exchange a quick hug. 

 

“Ooh, Chris, you putting the moves on someone tonight?” She says, pointing to the two cups in Christen’s hands. “Or are you just really thirsty?” 

 

Christen laughs, shaking her head. “Neither actually. Just looking for Tobs. She said she would be here. Have you seen her?” 

 

Julie tilts her head up, thinking. “Yeah, I think I saw her a while ago down the hall. She was with someone I’ve never seen before, but they seemed to be good friends.” Julie shrugs. “She might not be there anymore, but try that.” She says pointing Christen in the right direction. 

 

“Thanks Julie! This is why you are the best!” She calls over her shoulder. 

 

“And don’t you forget when apply for next semester housing! We are roommates forever and you can’t get rid of me!” She calls back as Christen is making her way down the hall. 

  
  


It takes a little bit to find Tobin, but eventually she does. Tobin is the midst of a passionate makeout session with a girl Christen has never seen before. They are practically humping each other in the middle of the hallway, and the girl has her hands up Tobin’s shirt. “Oh fuck, that’s so good.” Tobin says as the girl moves her mouth along Tobin’s collarbone. She tilts her head to allow the girl more access to her pulsepoint, and she finally makes eye contact with Christen over the girls shoulder. The girls is still biting at Tobin, her hips grinding.

 

“Want to move this to the bathroom?” The girl asks, looking up at Tobin. 

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nods, not breaking eye contact with Christen. “Let’s finish this there.” 

 

Christen retreats down the hallway feeling nauseous. She genuinely feels as if she might vomit as tears threaten to run down her face. 

  
  


* * *

 

 

Christen later finds a girl she vaguely recognizes as one of Tobin’s teammates. They’ve met before and Tobin has introduced them, but Christen wasn’t really paying attention to anything more than Tobin’s arm around her waist that night. 

 

“Hey,” Christen starts, moving next to the girl. “Want a drink?”, she says offering up the drink she originally got for Tobin. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you doing?” 

 

Christen and the girl make easy conversation, and only once does the girl ask where Tobin is. Christen brushes it off and makes up some bullshit line about how she doesn’t care and would much rather be here with her. Even Christen knows it sounds fake and stupid, but jealousy is flowing through her as she keeps replaying the scene of Tobin making out with another girl in her mind. 

 

She feels so stupid about her feelings with Tobin. She really thought she cared for her, but there she was making out with some whore at a frat party. God, she feels so  _ used _ . Out of the corner of her eye she sees Tobin emerge from the bathroom, her hair tousled and a hickey already forming on her bare neck. She and the girl from earlier part ways, Tobin herself leaving the party completely, heading back to what Christen assumes is her dorm room. 

 

Christen watches Tobin leave, eventually turning to the girl. “Want to get out of here?”, she says with a fake smile.

 

 

* * *

 

“Come on,” Christen whispers hotly into the girl’s ear. “Don’t you want everyone to know how good you’re being fucked? I don’t mind the noise. Show me how much you like it, baby. Come on, show me.” Christen doesn’t stop until the girl is screaming her name at a level she knows Tobin can’t ignore. 

 

“Good girl,” Press mumbles into the girl’s neck after she's finished. “You did so good.” She leaves a blossoming hickey where she knows the team will see at practice. 

 

The girl leaves not fifteen minutes later, asking Press if she will see her at the game this weekend. Christen nods, leaning into the next kiss.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t go to the game. 

 

* * *

 

 

Christen and Tobin don’t see eachother anymore. There was an obvious shift in their relationship after the party, and neither have attempted to confront the other. Christen feels as if someone has stomped all over her heart, and even the mention of Tobin makes Christen feel ill. Most days, Christen doesn’t do much but lay in bed and mindlessly watch TV. She can feel her brain rotting, but it's better than over analyzing every interaction with Tobin ever. Her brain feels frozen and on repeat. Everything seems dark and foggy in her mind, and she can barely make it to class every day before coming home to sleep for hours on end.

 

It's only after two weeks that Julie mentions Tobin’s absence. “Did you have a falling out?”, she asks casually one night. 

 

Christen shrugs noncommittally, not even bothering to look up from the tv she is watching. “Sometimes friends just drift apart. No big deal.”, Christen offers. 

 

Julie looks like she doesn’t believe her, and how could she? Her and Tobin used to be attached at the hip, and to go from seeing each other almost every three hours to not at all for two weeks straight? Obviously something happened. But Julie doesn’t press further and Christen is eternally grateful. 

  
  


* * *

 

Its another week before Christen even sees Tobin again. She’s sitting outside of her door yet again, obviously locked out. Before, when Tobin was locked out and Christen was home, there was an unspoken agreement that Tobin could just wait in Christen’s room. Now however, when Christen reaches her door, she notices Tobin doesn’t even look at her, pretending to be too invested in her phone. 

 

Christen sighs, looking over at Tobin sitting against the wall. “Well, come on in.” she says blandly.

 

Tobin looks up in surprise, but stands and follows nonetheless. 

 

* * *

 

 

They stay silent throughout the visit. Tobin still seems too invested in her phone for it to seem realistic, and Christen won’t look at her. 

 

Tobin stands thirty minutes later, gathering her things. “Got practice”, she informs. “Thanks.” Tobin moves to leave the dorm, but Christen stops her. 

 

“Why did you do that?”, Christen finally asks. She looks at Tobin with tears in her eyes. “Why would you do it?” She swiped angrily at her eyes, attempting to wipe away her angry tears. 

 

“Why did I do it? What the hell Chris,” Tobin drops her bag on the floor loudly, stalking closer to Christen. “I can’t get a read on you! I don’t know if you like me or not! You get my hopes so high, only to crash them down each time!” 

 

“I-” Christen begins, but Tobin doesn’t give her time to finish. 

 

“You don’t understand Chris! I can’t keep falling for a “maybe”. It hurts too damn much! I owe it to myself to stop waiting around for what might or might not be!”, Tobin is yelling now, tears running down her own face. She sniffles, attempting to get in control of her emotions. 

 

“I needed time Tobs! That's all. Just some time. You couldn’t even give me two goddamn weeks!” Christen counters. 

 

“Two weeks on top of what, Chris? The past 7 months we have had together? I’m tired of waiting for what might not even happen! It's selfish of you to think that you would have some sort of…”, Tobin pauses, searching for the right word. Tears are still hotly running down her face, and she feels her eyes already swelling up from the crying. “.. _ dibs _ on me before you even do anything!”, she continues. 

 

“And then, after losing my hopes that you would ever admit you like girls, let alone me specifically, you go and fuck a girl? A girl on my team? A fucking girl,” Tobin yells, holding her hands to her head and trying to stop the anger from rising in her chest, “in the next room over! I didn’t think you were even gay!” 

 

“There are more sexualties than just gay or straight Tobin.” Christen pushes back, inching closer to Tobin. “It isn't all black and white, okay.”

 

She removes Tobin’s hands from her head, holding them in her own. She smashes their mouths together, hotly pushing Tobin against the wall. She kisses her deeply, trying to convey all of her emotions into her kiss. She's pressing harshly against Tobin’s body and trying to get impossibly closer. 

 

Tobin pushes Christen back forcefully. “Get off of me! What the hell was that?,” she exasperates, still panting and reeling from the heated kiss. She licks her lips, feeling Christen’s wet saliva around her mouth. Everything about that kiss was angry and hot and desperate and it makes Tobin’s head spin. 

 

Christen moves away from Tobin, taking a few evening breaths. “I just,” she starts. Her voice gets quieter and more sincere as she continues, “I don’t want anyone to look at you the way I look at you. It makes my heart feel like it's caving in when I think about you with someone else.”

 

“You don’t get to dictate my love life if you have no intent on dating me.” 

 

“That’s what I’m saying! I do want to date you! I want to date you and do everything that comes with it!” Christen admits loudly. She pauses, looking into Tobin’s eyes and softly touching her face. “I want to hold your hand and kiss you in public. I want to go to all your soccer games and make stupid signs for you. Be the one that kisses you after you score. I want to cuddle with you and watch sappy romcom movies. God, Tobin. I just want  _ you. _ ”

 

This time, the kiss is gentler. There is no pushing or force, just soft lips meeting. It starts slowly and builds. Christen pulls away and rests her forehead on Tobin’s. “Please,” she whispers. “Give this a chance.” 

 

“You won’t bail? You won’t leave?”, Tobin asks. 

 

“Never. God, Tobin, I could never. I could barely last three weeks without talking to you. You won’t be able to get rid of me,”

 

“Okay,” Tobin smiles. “Okay.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey babe”, Christen says greeting Tobin after soccer practice. They share a quick kiss, Tobin wrapping her arms around Christen. “I missed you.” 

 

Tobin grins. “Oh, did you now?”, Tobin teases, rubbing her sweaty forehead against Christen’s shoulder playfully. 

 

“Yup,” Christen continues, grabbing Tobin’s gym bag to sling over her shoulder. Her other hand reaches instinctively for Tobin’s and she twines their fingers together as they walk. 

 

“I got Chinese ordered, we can pick it up on our walk home.” 

 

“God, I love you babe.” Tobin grins. 

 

“Can’t get rid of me.” Christen says evenly. 

 

“Guess not.” Tobin replies, leaning over to kiss Christen’s head.  

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i cant believe preath is real….
> 
> yell with me at officialpuppy on tumblr   
> (officialpuppy.tumblr.com)


End file.
